Lift Not The Painted Veil Which Those Who Live

"With colours idly spread,--behind, lurk Fear

            And Hope, twin Destinies;..." by Percy Bysshe Shelley


This passage from "The Painted Veil" resonates with The Magus.  Fear and Hope--twin destinies for Nicholas.  Nicholas fears many things, especially himself, though he wouldn't admit to that.  When Nicholas first begins the "wild" labyrinth created just for him, he fears Conchis.

"...at times, rather against my will, he impressed me--not only as a rich man with some enviable works of art in his house.  And now he frightened me.  It was the kind of illogical fear of the supernatural that in others made me sneer." (102)

Even though he fears Conchis, he continues on with the godgame due to his narcisstic nature.  It reminds me the crazy feeling you get when something scares you, yet you are intrigued by the unknown.  Perhaps because he feels that he's "one-upping" Conchis, he knows it's a game but doesn't say anything (at least, not at first) to Conchis initially.  Kind of like Darrel saying when he remembered that Santa wasn't real but didn't say anything to his parents, it's like not wanting to ruin the facade, the charade, because then the magic is gone and you're left with reality--like Nicholas eventually winds up--alone with all the magic gone.

I met some people a few years ago that are diehard fans of a band.  They belong to the "official" fan club and not one of the fan club off shoots, but the "real" one.  Every year, they follow the band's summer tour and tailgate before the concerts, typically meeting at a bar across from the venue or in the parking lot.  Some of these people have known each other for over 10 years....10 Years!!!  One lady I met in 2009 said it was her 21st show that year alone and she's from New York City and I met her in Washington!!  Inevitably, after the summer tour is over, they go through withdrawals--the magic is gone.  Their life returns to its banal existence after all the common camaraderie, laughter, and yes, some debauchery has gone and they're left with themselves--all alone.  So I guess in some ways, I can see why Nicholas can't resist continuing the godgame--even when he's at his angriest and finds out that Alison is alive and she contrived with Conchis & Corp to dupe him.

As for Hope, even at his most irksome, he's hopeful--even about his love for Alison.  But his hope is a skewed twisted hope because his intentions don't come from a pure heart.  He's selfish from the "get go" and knows this about himself but doesn't care.

What we call the beginning is often the is at ho

The Magus